The truth is that the world will not beat a path to your door if you invent the better mousetrap.  This notion gives people way too much credit. If your better mousetrap looks like nothing before it they will ignore you. The guy who steals your idea from the 3rd or 4th guy to steal it will be successful. This is after they have been gradually introduced to the new concept by several people plagiarizing from you.

Nothing truly revolutionary ever succeeds. Nothing that is truly revolutionary is ever hailed as such either. That's because everybody has to form a consensus that it is, in fact, revolutionary, that it is new and completely unlike anything before it. It takes forever to come to this conclusion and by the time it is reached it is no longer true.

This is all because people are afraid of the anything new. They usually lack the skills to assess it and need to be told what to think. In the period of not knowing they will reject it so that it has to come back a few times.  They need to have it predigested.

What this means:

It means you already probably have all the secrets to happiness, all the solutions to your problems, all the ways out of where you are. It's the thing that you have rejected as too easy, or too dumb, or don't know about because the guy who came up with it is starving to death in a hovel somewhere.

It means that without being told over and over again what quality is you probably wouldn't be able to tell what is so good about William Shakespeare or John Steinbeck.

How you sell anything to people is to make it look like something else, hack it up a little bit, make it more generic.

If David Lynch wanted to be really big he should have made his movies more like Spielberg's. If Jim Jarmusch wanted to be big he should have been more like Michael Bay. Don't try to say anything too unpleasant or be profound, just be a dumb, loud motherfucker.

Rifftrax looks at Twilight: New Moon

We can't kill people in real life
Well, we can, technically, it's just not feasible. Killing somebody in real life is a whole lot more work than watching somebody pretend to do it on a screen. It also has fewer moral ramifications. It's like watching porn, it's a lot simpler than going out and finding yourself a hooker, isn't it?

It's cooler than real life
Real life killing, while possibly more satisfying than the screen variety, is a lot of work, really, the actual killing is the easy part. After that you have things to get rid of, alibis to think through, and the police to deal with. It's a whole lot easier to watch some actor do it, and pretend it was you.

Violence is dramatic
If it doesn't involve death, It involves something most of us do not do on a daily basis, hence drama. If it does involve death then that's the closing of a life right there. Sex is good, but not all sex is dramatic, even in real life, death is consistently important to whatever story you are telling.

Violence is subversive
People in power do not like their minions (you) dangerous. They also do not like them glorifying violence. People who enjoy watching violence, may, at some point, want to carry it out, or at least it looks that way from their point of view. That's why the police are there, it's to remind the populace that we, the government, can be more violent than you.

Violence is a part of real life
Right now, somewhere in the world somebody is getting killed, somebody else is getting raped, and somebody just had a cap busted in their ass. It's human life, human nature, a part of us, who were are and will always be. Art without violence is like art without love or pain or joy.

The American fried chicken chain Popeye's. Look at it carefully. Look at the name. Popeye's. What else do you see there? You see a hidden message. If you are not one of the very few, the erudite and sharp-eyed to have caught it prior to reading this article then let me educate you: The message consists of two words that should strike fear into the heart of every free-thinking individual on Earth. Pope yes. That's right, you are being indoctrinated into catholicism by virtue of fast food. You are being provided with a plainly-worded statement as to the wonders of the papacy, and their ability to bring about positive things in your life should you just bow to them. Just submit your life, your money, and your young men to catholicism and you will receive nothing but positive answers throughout your life. Just offer that one statement of complete submission to the Vatican and all will be well. Pope, yes.

The racial angle
Why fried chicken, you ask? Well, black Americans are thought to have a particular liking for the dish. Whether this affinity came about as a conspiracy on the part of commercial chicken producers to genetically engineer their fowl to appeal to black taste buds, or whether the affinity already existed, I have no idea. What is sure is that this is common lore among white people and so, it is not surprising that this is the means that the Church of Rome would use to try to gain converts within black America. Why do they want these converts? Perhaps as a preparation for Mother Theresa's inroads into America, or perhaps as a means to kill hip-hop.

To the skeptics
In a commercial America full of focus-groups and subliminal advertising, do you seriously think that any major corporation allows for "coincidences"? All power comes from an addiction, nobody is going to let an addiction as powerful as the love of greasy food just slide on by without using it. If the sign says Popeye's then you can rest assured that it was always intended to say exactly that. Pope, Yes. Yes, sir, Pope.  

Life, in case you have not yet noticed, is degrading to women, racist, against all races and mixing of races. History, the story of life, both in its truths and its lies, is an affront to the sensibilities of the civilized person. It makes no sense, is brutal and stupid, is the story of a race of bumblers and perverts, sadists and pompous morons who did what they did and died. To not learn it is to be cut off from what you are, be forced to find out that you are doomed to being an asshole by hard experience instead of vicariously. Of course, this, too is human. The whole notion of civilization is one that you cannot live up to. You can build buildings, organize cliques, set rules for yourself that you cannot keep. Surround yourself with the ornamentation of a myth, a social costume in which only a minority truly believes, truly wants to uphold. It doesn't mean that you are not the old sister-fucking, slave-mongering, low-life that your forefathers were. 

This isn't a diatribe against "political correctness", it is a diatribe against the delusional simpletons that would even have it as a notion. The fact that term exists, a word for insincere over-politeness means that means that somebody thinks there is a concept of honesty that should be adhered to. That we should adhere to. They think themselves to be brave rebels who are "saying it as it is no matter who it hurts". But they don't say it as it is because that would mean they had insight, saw the pointlessness of being truthful to people who need lies to survive, who have been brought up in a society whose only real glue is a series of bullshit untruths.

You get the lie, and then you get the man who tells you that it's a lie, the savior, the honest one who contrasts himself against the liars and tells you that now you will hear what's real. Then he lies. It's a different set of lies, though, and that's all you get. Novel lies. A variation in the stream of lies. You get a change every now and then. The stink of the shit shifts based on what the bull was eating the night before.

Life, your life, my life, is short, and pointless and marinated in pointless nonsense. Your crusades on behalf of anything are doomed to failure. Suffer, watch them die, then die yourself.  

If you were to find a serial killer in your house now, say, a strangler, or a ripper, you would not be terrified. I am thinking that this is what gets most victims in trouble. In the news, and in the movies, serial killers are these bizarre people who wear masks and display their intentions in their mean expressions (Director: “Look menacing! No, that’s not good enough. More menace! Menace harder!”). In real life, serial killers are just guys. 5‘9“, balding, beer-gutted, guys who have the same faces on that they wear at work. These are the faces that you see on the road, the guy across the counter at the coffee-shop, the guy delivering mail. Not monsters, not even more baleful or vicious-looking than anyone else. 

You see this guy standing across from you in your living room and you think, there is nothing dangerous here. This isn’t Leatherface. You think you can take him. The problem is that he needs to kill you, and he has done it before. How many times have you defended your life against a compulsive homicidal maniac? One of you has experience. You don’t really believe that he is going to kill you, either. It’s all too strange, with this guy here. You don’t think death, not at the hands of this shifty-looking dork. He is thinking death, though. He means business.

You wind up with the knife in you and your head on the mantelpiece before you even realize what is happening to you. 

You know why ghosts aren’t scary even on an anecdotal level? because none of the people who have seen them are credible. They aren’t credible because the people who see them are not fascinated with finding out more, have not given their lives over to finding scientific proof, an explanation, a logical reason. If you saw a ghost it would change your life. You would not merely become some weirdo who is obsessed with the afterlife, you would become a weirdo who has seen into the future, seen something that directly impacts you, the mortal. Ghosts, where they occur, are windows into the future, into the biggest unknown known to man. Their existence would have an impact. You would have evidence, personal, at least, that there is something else here other than what we have examined thoroughly, something conscious and active. It would be too profound to just keep as an anecdote, something that you would take only to other superstitious people. You would want to learn more, be freed from ignorance.

As it is, they are a fiction by people who make money from fiction, repeated by easily swayed people who are fans of the fiction. One rule of life is that there is always a mundane explanation for the inexplicable. Even the wondrous, marvelous things are founded in the same forge as the boring and the mundane, your ignorance is the difference, ignorance and the desire to feel confounded.

I think we should be breeding dogs . Big, giant, horse-sized dogs. Dogs that are smart, but not too smart lest they try to kill us. Thick and built low to the ground like pit-bulls, but with strong backs so that we can ride them into battle. These dogs should have hearts that are easily removed so that they can be implanted with artificial ones, made from bulletproof steel and plastic. The steel they used to make tanks. We will then make bulletproof armor for this giant dogs, and saddles, and really light miniguns to place on their heads. These miniguns would be operate by a single thought or whatever it is that dogs have that are like human thoughts. You say "fire left", and the dog turns his head and fires the gun at the enemy . You could then fire right. Both sides covered. All this while running into battle. When it got close you would be free to hack away at the enemy while the dog tore them to shreds with his massive jaws with stainless steel teeth. Yes, the dogs' teeth could be removed and implanted with stainless steel ones. 

Other ideas:

Rocket packs
Flying giant Rottweillers with miniguns who could steer themselves in the air.

Remote controlled
The dog could have a speaker through which its trainer could give it orders. 

Possession
The dog could be implanted with a brain chip that would allow an "operator" to take control of its brain and direct it in highly technical tasks like programming computers. The trainer/operator could speak through the dogs mouth.

Invisible
Dogs that are sprayed with a special paint that renders them invisible. Until it's too late.

Intelligence dogs
Dogs that can listen and retain human conversation and then make notes to transmit back to headquarters.

Sabotage
Normal-looking dogs that can pee acid on enemy aircraft thus making them useless or dangerous to operate.

Seduction dogs
Dogs that can seduce zoophiles.